Thursday, December 25, 2014

The NTMTO Star Wars Holiday Special!




Happy Holidays, everyone! Enjoy this very special holiday episode of Never Tell Me The Odds! Listen to it below, as our normal table of players attempts to read through the script for the 1978 Star Wars Holiday Special TV movie! Famously one of the worst bits of television ever made, will our table of drunken improvisers survive all the way to the end?

Never Tell Me The Odds is a Star Wars RPG live play podcast, where four professional comedians / improvisers doing their best to stay alive on the edge of the Empire. New episodes every Friday!

Follow our site, check out new episodes every Friday, and stay posted for our regular prizes and giveaways!

Happy Holidays Everyone!

NTMTO Star Wars Holiday Special '14 


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Thursday, December 18, 2014

Jizz Music (Scene XV, Episode I) - Podcast




The fifteenth episode of Never Tell Me The Odds is now live - Scene 15, "Jizz Music"! Listen to it below, as the crew attempt to make their escape from Imperial forces in a stolen ship - with more than one hidden surprise on board!

Never Tell Me The Odds is a Star Wars RPG live play podcast, where four professional comedians / improvisers doing their best to stay alive on the edge of the Empire. New episodes every Friday!

Follow our site, check out new episodes every Friday, and stay posted for our regular prizes and giveaways!

Jizz Music - (Episode 1; Scene 15)


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Friday, December 12, 2014

Might As Well Be Bodily Fluids (Scene XIV, Episode I) - Podcast




The fourteenth episode of Never Tell Me The Odds is now live - Scene 14, "Might As Well Be Bodily Fluids"! Listen to it below, as the crew has to out-think, out-maneuver and out-gun the most ruthless Imperial officer they've encountered yet!

Never Tell Me The Odds is a Star Wars RPG live play podcast, where four professional comedians / improvisers doing their best to stay alive on the edge of the Empire. New episodes every Friday!

Follow our site, check out new episodes every Friday, and stay posted for our regular prizes and giveaways!

Might As Well Be Bodily Fluids - (Episode 1; Scene 14)


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Friday, December 5, 2014

Randy Dewback 7 (Scene XIII, Episode I) - Podcast




The thirteenth episode of Never Tell Me The Odds is now live - Scene 13, "Randy Dewback 7"! Listen to it below, as the crew attempts to survive an outer space hand off - and the outbreak of a mysterious xenological disease!

Never Tell Me The Odds is a Star Wars RPG live play podcast, where four professional comedians / improvisers doing their best to stay alive on the edge of the Empire. New episodes every Friday!

Follow our site, check out new episodes every Friday, and stay posted for our regular prizes and giveaways!

The Two Peteys - (Episode 1; Scene 13)


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Thursday, November 27, 2014

The Two Peteys (Scene XII, Episode I) - Podcast




The twelfth episode of Never Tell Me The Odds is now live - Scene 12, "The Two Peteys"! Listen to it below, and find out how, and if, the crew survives a deadly dogfight in an orbital debris field!

Never Tell Me The Odds is a Star Wars RPG live play podcast, where four professional comedians / improvisers doing their best to stay alive on the edge of the Empire. New episodes every Friday!

Follow our site, check out new episodes every Friday, and stay posted for our regular prizes and giveaways!

The Two Peteys - (Episode 1; Scene 12)


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Friday, November 21, 2014

Spoof (Scene XI, Episode I) - Podcast




The eleventh episode of Never Tell Me The Odds is now live - Scene 11, "Spoof"! Listen to it below, and find out what happens as the crew embarks on a break neck speeder bike chase through the city streets of Ord Mantel!

Never Tell Me The Odds is a Star Wars RPG live play podcast, where four professional comedians / improvisers doing their best to stay alive on the edge of the Empire. New episodes every Friday!

Follow our site, check out new episodes every Friday, and stay posted for our regular prizes and giveaways!

Spoof - (Episode 1; Scene 11)


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Sunday, November 16, 2014

Never Tell Me The Odds! - Contest Giveaway

Calling all you Rebels and Outcasts - It's GIVEAWAY TIME!

 Follow us on Twitter @NTMTOPodcast and RT to win a set of Edge of the Empire Game Dice!

Contest ends 11/24/14 - so enter now!


Thursday, November 13, 2014

Improper Bacta Usage (Scene 10, Episode 1) - Podcast




The tenth episode of Never Tell Me The Odds is now live - Scene 10, "Improper Bacta Usage"! Listen to it below, and find out what happens as the crew embarks on a break neck speeder bike chase through the city streets of Ord Mantel!

Never Tell Me The Odds is a Star Wars RPG live play podcast, where four professional comedians / improvisers doing their best to stay alive on the edge of the Empire. New episodes every Friday!

Follow our site, check out new episodes every Friday, and stay posted for our regular prizes and giveaways!

Improper Bacta Usage - (Episode 1; Scene 10)


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Thursday, November 6, 2014

Simon Birch Moment (Scene 9, Episode 1) - Podcast




The ninth episode of Never Tell Me The Odds is now live - Scene 9, "Simon Birch Moment"! Listen to it below, and find out what happens when a shifty, one-handed Rodian gets a hold of a thermal detonator!

Never Tell Me The Odds is a Star Wars RPG live play podcast, where four professional comedians / improvisers doing their best to stay alive on the edge of the Empire. New episodes every Friday!

Follow our site, check out new episodes every Friday, and stay posted for our regular prizes and giveaways!

Simon Birch Moment - (Episode 1; Scene 9)


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Friday, October 31, 2014

Sabacc, Stairs & High Stakes (Scene 8, Episode 1) - Podcast




The eighth episode of Never Tell Me The Odds is now live - Scene 8, "Sabacc, Stairs and High Stakes"! Listen to it below, and find out what happens when the crew gets cornered into a high-stakes game of Sabacc!

Never Tell Me The Odds is a Star Wars RPG live play podcast, where four professional comedians / improvisers doing their best to stay alive on the edge of the Empire. New episodes every Friday!

Follow our site, check out new episodes every Friday, and stay posted for our regular prizes and giveaways!

Sabacc, Stairs and High Stakes - (Episode 1; Scene 8)


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Friday, October 24, 2014

Wookie Goldberg (Scene 7, Episode 1) - Podcast




The seventh episode of Never Tell Me The Odds is now live - Scene 7, "Wookie Goldberg"! Listen to it below.

Never Tell Me The Odds is a Star Wars RPG live play podcast, where four professional comedians / improvisers doing their best to stay alive on the edge of the Empire. New episodes every Friday!

Follow our site, check out new episodes every Friday, and stay posted for our regular prizes and giveaways!

Wookie Goldberg - (Episode 1; Scene 7)


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Friday, October 17, 2014

Plan "C" (Episode 1, Scene 6) - Podcast



The sixth episode of Never Tell Me The Odds is now live - Scene 6, "Plan C"! Listen to it below, or check out the podcast page to catch up on what happened last time.

Never Tell Me The Odds is a Star Wars RPG live play podcast, where four professional comedians / improvisers doing their best to stay alive on the edge of the Empire. New episodes every Friday!

Follow our site, check out new episodes every Friday, and stay posted for our regular prizes and giveaways!

Plan "C" - (Episode 1; Scene 6)


Download Podcast Here | Listen on iTunes

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Vehicle Piloting Cheat Sheet

Star Wars RPG - Vehicle Piloting Cheat Sheet



Piloting a roughshod starfighter through an asteroid belt while in a deadly dogfight with a trio TIE Interceptors is is everyone's dream. The amazing thing about the Star Wars RPG is that you can actually do it! The only question is... how exactly?

 While most of Fantasy Flight Game's Star Wars RPG is a marvel of ingenuity and streamlined game play, things tend to get a lot less intuitive when it comes to flying around in star ships. For one of our recent games, I developed this quick-and-dirty set of Vehicle Piloting cards as a cheat sheet. The cards below summarize the 9 most common actions you take in any vehicle - from speeder bike to Corellian Frigate.



The cards are broken into two broad categories - the manuevers (in blue), and the actions (in yellow). As always, a character gets one manuever and one action on their turn. Use this cheat sheets as an ala cart menu, allowing the players to peruse their options and decide how they want to spend their turn. You can even consider printing these on card stock, and cutting them out to create a mini-set of action cards.

 Of course, the GM should never limit players to the actions listed on these cards. The Core Rule Book details half a dozen, less common, actions that a player might wish to take - and your players are bound to come up with brand new ideas the book doesn't even begin to cover. As always, be prepared for anything and be ready to make it happen!

 I've also included a handy distance map for the game. I use this to keep track of how far apart characters are in a race, or chase scene - but it can be used in any situation requiring approximate distances.


Friday, October 10, 2014

Return to Ord Mantell (Episode 1, Scene 5) - Podcast



The fifth episode of Never Tell Me The Odds is now live - Scene 5, "Return to Ord Mantell"! Listen to it below, or check out the podcast page to catch up on what happened last time.

Never Tell Me The Odds is a Star Wars RPG live play podcast, where four professional comedians / improvisers doing their best to stay alive on the edge of the Empire. New episodes every Friday!

Follow our site, check out new episodes every Friday, and stay posted for our regular prizes and giveaways!

Return to Ord Mantell - (Episode 1; Scene 5)


Download Podcast Here | Listen on iTunes

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Jawa Thief "The Pilferer" - Adversary Game Stat Block

Jawa Theif "The Pilferer" - Game Stats



There are a lot of mighty, crafty and potent races out there in the Galaxy - from the Wookie to the Trandoshan, but while they're beating down the front door, who's picking your back pocket? The Jawa Pilferer, that's who. Unassuming, small and generally beyond notice, Jawas are the perfect race to play if you'd rather pop out of the shadows instead of coming in with guns blazing. 

Get a Jawa into your game with the stats below for the Jawa Pilferer, a crafty thief who uses her size to sneak into places she shouldn't be - and get away again!





Jawas are famously native to the desert planet of Tatooine, but their proclivity for scavenging, tinkering and generally being where they shouldn't means they tend to pop up in places you wouldn't expect them (just ask R2-D2). 

While official stats for Jawa characters don't exist yet, there's no reason you wouldn't run into one of these curious, mechanically minded folk on working on a spacer barge, trying their luck on other planets, or even working as a bounty hunter.

The stat block above is perfect for a stealthy opponent who can harry your PC's by lifting some important piece of equipment and making off with it. The Pilferer isn't much good in single combat, so she probably has some muscle to back her up lurking right around that next corner. 

Along with her Shortcut ability, a tricky GM should make good use of the Jawa's small size to shake pursuit by ducking into vents, under vehicles, or out small windows.

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Hyperspace Dreams (Episode 1, Scene 4) - Podcast



The fourth episode of Never Tell Me The Odds is now live - Scene 4, "Hyperspace Dreams"! Listen to it below, or check out the podcast page to catch up on what happened last time.

Never Tell Me The Odds is a Star Wars RPG live play podcast, where four professional comedians / improvisers doing their best to stay alive on the edge of the Empire. New episodes every Friday!

Follow our site, check us out every week, and stay posted for our regular prizes and giveaways!

Hyperspace Dreams - (Episode 1; Scene 4)


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Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Never Tell Me The Odds! - Contest Giveaway

What are the odds you'll win our first monthly giveaway? Pretty good, actually!

To enter - just follow us on Twitter between now and 10/5. We'll choose one follower at random to win a full set of Star Wars RPG game dice!




Tuesday, September 30, 2014

"Chrometrooper" Stormtrooper Variant - Advesary Game Stat Block

Chrome "Stormtrooper" - Game Stat Block




Everyone likes stormtroopers. The sleek helmets, the cool armor, and - of course - the numerous varieties.  New rumors for Star Wars Episode VII hold that a new type of stormtrooper-like foe will be making an appearance in the movie - an entirely chrome version. The unique qualities of these new chrome troopers remain to be seen - but it has been predicted that they may possess stealth "cloaking" technology. 

If the rebels get stealth x-wings, why shouldn't the Imperials get stealth stormtroopers? Bring these guys into your Edge of the Empire or Age of Rebellion game with the stats below.





Not just any grunt is given the incredible rare and valuable chrometrooper armor. This cutting edge technology is saved for the cream of the crop, represented by the trooper's "rival" status, and Advesary attribute.

The ability to sneak up on PC's undetected, combined with their heavy weaponry and honed combat skills makes the chrometrooper far more than simple canon fodder. A savvy GM might use the chrometrooper judiciously as a lone sniper, as part of an elite hit squad, or as high-level security for sensitive Imperial locations. In any case, they should be used to harry the PC's throughout a play session, instead of expended in one encounter.

Even when visible the chrometrooper's Chrome Armor attribute grants them additional protection from enemy fire, even while not cloaked. As such a chrometrooper's tactics are likely to focus on attacking from range, and disappearing when threatened up close. Planned cleverly, a single chrometrooper could quickly become more than an unlucky, or unwary, party can chew.

A final note: if the PC's recover a chrometrooper's armor for their own use, consider modifying the spontaneous collapse condition as follows: On a roll of Despair, the personal stealth field suffers critical meltdown, and cannot be used again until costly, and highly-technical, repairs have been conducted. This may be an adventure in itself, as those with the knowledge of how to repair personal stealth fields are few and far between.

Friday, September 26, 2014

Moment of Doom (Episode 1, Scene 3) - Podcast



The third episode of Never Tell Me The Odds is now live - Scene 3, "Moment of Doom"! Listen to it below, or check out the podcast page to catch up on what happened last time.

Never Tell Me The Odds is a Star Wars RPG live play podcast, where four professional comedians / improvisers doing their best to stay alive on the edge of the Empire. New episodes every Friday!

Follow our site, check us out every week, and stay posted for our regular prizes and giveaways!

Moment of Doom - (Episode 1; Scene 3)


Download Podcast Here | Listen on iTunes

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

"StealthX" X-Wing - Vehicle Game Stat Block

"StealthX" Black X-Wing - Game Stat Block




You may have noticed the leaked pictures of the new black X-Wing that will be debuting in Episode VII (probably). Rampant speculation holds that it might be the film debut of the "StealthX" X-wing - a stealth starfighter built to be all but undetectable by even the most sophisticated sensor arrays. Undetectable, that is, as long as it maintains comm silence.

Whether or not this black X-wing ends up being the famed stealth X-wing or not, it can still make a debut in your game using the ready-to-play game stats below.




The "StealthX" is built on the standard X-wing chassis, with a few key alterations. The Stealth Tech Suite is a combination of sensor negators, gravitic modulators, and thermal dissipators, that make it practically invisible to sensor arrays, and effectively granting the craft cloaking. This combination of cutting edge technology grants the X-wing a unique attribute "Stealth Adversary". Any vehicle with the Stealth Adversary attribute upgrades all difficulty checks to detect the craft X number of times. This applies to all sensor checks, as well as visual scanning - affecting any relevant Computer, Perception or Vigilance skill check.

Of course, the ship is only stealthy so long as it stays quiet. Any use of the ships comm system or weapons negates the Stealth Adversary attribute until it can get out of sight again.

The StealthX's distinctive black paint job also aids the starfighter. Made with unique photo absorbing properties, the StealthX seems to vanish into the starry void of space. As a result it gains the "Hard to Spot" attribute. A craft with Hard to Spot is treated as being one silhouette size smaller than normal, for targeting purposes. While TIE fighters and other small craft likely to be in close range won't be effected by this, it does make the StealthX significantly harder to target for capitol ships, or planetary defense lasers.

There's a heavy cost to be paid in exchange for loading an X-wing up with so much stealth technology - namely a serious reduction in defensive capabilities. The black X-wing features weaker shields, less armor, and lower strain and hull trauma thresholds as a result of cramming in so many additional systems. The starfighter also loses it's 1 hard point, giving it even less customization than a standard X-wing.

Saturday, September 20, 2014

Death in the Canyons (Episode 1, Scene 2) - Podcast



The second episode of Never Tell Me The Odds is now live! Listen to it below, or on the podcast page.

Never Tell Me The Odds is a Star Wars RPG live play podcast. Myself, David Crennen, and four professional comedians / improvisers release a new adventure every Friday.

Follow our site, check us out every week, and stay posted for our regular prizes and giveaways!

Death in the Canyons - (Episode 1; Scene 2)


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Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Wampa - Game Stat Block

Wampa - Game Stat Block


Dreaded by tauntauns, sought after by big game hunters, and feared by anyone lost in the snow, the savage wampa is ready to storm your table! 

While a vicious melee opponent either by itself or in a pack, the true threat of a wampa is its natural stealth. Nearly undetectable in a snowy environment (even to scanners), and unhindered by the cold or difficult terrain, you won't notice a wampa until it's far to late to do anything about it.


Friday, September 12, 2014

Rendezvous on Ophuchi (Episode 1, Scene 1) - Podcast



The first episode of Never Tell Me The Odds is now live! Listen to it below, or on the podcast page.

Never Tell Me The Odds is a Star Wars RPG live play podcast. Myself, David Crennen, and four professional comedians / improvisers release a new adventure every Friday.

Follow our site, check us out every week, and stay posted for our regular prizes and giveaways!

Rendezvous on Ophuchi - (Episode 1; Scene 1)



Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Taun taun - Game Stat Block

Taun taun - Game Stat Block



The temperature is rapidly dropping, the speeders haven't been adapted to the cold yet, and your friend is out there on that glacier somewhere. Sounds like you need a taun taun!

The taun taun stats below feature the new Mount attribute - which allows a player to ride a creature, using the vehicle rules in the Edge of the Empire and Age of Rebellion rule books.

A GM should feel free to apply this attribute to any appropriate creature in their campaign to create exciting encounters with/on vehicle sized creatures. For reasons of keeping the rules streamlined, Piloting (Planetary) is the default skill for riding a mount. However, depending on on the situation, or GM's inclination, the Piloting (Planetary) skill could be replaced by Leadership, Coercion, Survival, or even Knowledge (Xenology).

The taun taun is a rather modestly sized and modestly paced life form - but there's no reason this attribute couldn't be applied to airspeeder-sized falcons or starship-sized leviathans.



Creature Notes: Although a person would have to be truly desperate to try it, the tauntaun's thick pelt and natural insulation can provide a surprisingly effective shelter against severe weather. A character using a tauntaun's body as protection from the elements can gain up to 3 Boost die (■■■) on any Survival or Resilience checks they need to make, although they're likely to smell like rank tauntaun for days to come.

Monday, September 1, 2014

Star Wars RPG Tutorial (Bonus Scene 0, Episode 0) - Podcast



New? Just want to learn more about the game? This bonus tutorial episode shows you how to play the Star Wars RPG, so you can follow along at home!

Taking place a decade before the events of the main campaign, we follow Mon Calimari ambassador Gippy Bindoo as he tussles with the newly risen Empire over secret Rebel plans.

Never Tell Me The Odds is a Star Wars RPG live play podcast, where four professional comedians / improvisers doing their best to stay alive on the edge of the Empire. New episodes every Friday!

Follow our site, check out new episodes every Friday, and stay posted for our regular prizes and giveaways!

Star Wars RPG Tutorial - (Episode 0; Scene 0)


Download Podcast Here | Listen on iTunes

Sunday, August 24, 2014

The Sarlacc Pit of Carkoon - Game Stat Block

The Sarlacc Pit of Carkoon - Game Stat Block



Sometimes a good adventure set piece is missing something, and that something is a giant, fanged pit that dissolves people over a thousand years. To that end, here is the stat block for the all-powerful Sarlacc!


The Sarlacc (Nemesis)  Brawn 5; Agility 1; Intellect 1; Cunning 3; Willpower 1; Presence 1  Soak: 5 Wound: 50 Strain: 20 Melee/Ranged Defense: 0/0   Skills: Brawl 2 (●●♦♦♦) Survival 2; (●●♦) Resilience 3; (●●●♦♦) Vigilance 2 (●♦)  Talents: None  Abilities:  Subterranean: (The Sarlacc nearly completely concealed below ground. A Sarlacc is immobile, and its body cannot be directly targeted for attacks without major excavation.)   Grasping Tentacles: A Sarlacc's can extend many thick tentacles from its maw. Because of the Sarlacc's great size these tentacles can attack out to Medium range (see Inexorable Pull, below). These tentacles can be used to drag one victim into its maw while attacking another. On a successful attack, a victim is grasped and immobilized. As long as a victim is immobilized by a tentacle, the Sarlacc inflicts 2 strain and 1 wound at the start of the victims turn.A victim can escape a tentacle either by making an opposed Brawl check, or a Challenging (♦♦♦♦) Athletics check . Alternatively, an attack dealing damage to a tentacle may make it release. Attacks of this nature require careful targeting, either through using the Aim maneuver, or by scoring 3 Advantage or higher on a combat check.  Inexorable Pull: At the start of each round a creature that is immobilized by the Sarlacc, it is dragged one range band closer to the maw. When a creature is pulled into Engaged range, the Sarlaac can make a bite attack. On a successful bite, the creature is swallowed whole by the Sarlaac, to be digested over ten centuries of agony.The closer a creature is pulled toward the Sarlaac's maw, the harder it is to escape. At Short range the victim add  1 Setback Die (□) to any opposed escape checks, at Close range 2 Setback Die (□□) are rolled, and at Engaged range 3 Setback Die (□□□) are rolled  - assuming the creature has not yet been eaten.  Equipment: Tentacles (Brawl, Damage 4, Critical 4, Range [Medium]) Fanged Maw (Brawl, Damage 8, Critical 4, Range [Engaged])

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